So after bawling at the Goddess of Menstruation to hurry it up and give me closure from the negative pregnancy test, I received a big one. I was spared an extended uncertain wait for the period, but was rendered almost comatose for a couple of days by the excruciating cramps as Alice and Bach bled out.

On retrospect, my emotional meltdown the few days after the pregnancy test was probably a double whammy of the despair at the negative blood test and PMS on overdrive. I was wedged in a deep dark crevasse of depression as I struggled to carry out my work. I had insane images of myself leaping off the ledge of my apartment's yard. I saw myself running into oncoming cars for a messy end. I was a total wreck, and desperately looked for extreme methods to derail my tears in between work while hubby coped by pretending he didn't notice the emotional unstable zombie that I've temporarily turned into.

I wanted so badly for someone to reach out and save me. But I was so alone with the darkness inside me those few days. There was a moment when I stood in my kitchen in the middle of the night after wrecking sobs chased me out of bed. I stared into nothingness and my head pounded; screamed at me to just die. All was black and I was nowhere. Then, something soft and warm touched my right hand. My senses returned as I looked down at the huge pair of blue eyes looking up at me in concern, letting out a soft meow. The cat had climbed onto the stool beside me to rub her furry little head against my hand. She danced around me like a little ballerina anchor, tugging me back. After awhile, perhaps satisfied that I'm not reaching for the knife or something, she sashayed off.

When I finally went back to bed, she hopped up and snuggled in at my feet.

Sanity washed over me only after I started to bleed the next day.

Times like this where I become a completely helpless emotional slave to my hormones, I really hate being the woman. I never want to experience that again.

And now, I'm in the interim before the next Thaw Cycle. After the intense hormonal meltdown last week, the progynova I'm taking now can hardly do any mischief to my mood.

The next womb lining measurement is tomorrow. Our last 2 embryos from the previous harvest waits...

Moral of the story: Cats are awesome. Or maybe mine just wanted food that night.