I secretly named my 3rd and 4th embryos 'Caesar and Destiny'. But shh, don't tell hubby.

Who knew: Having to relax can be such a stressful affair!

After my womb lining measurement reached 8.1mm last Friday, I was scheduled for the embryo transfer to be done on Tuesday 26 May.

The whole apprehension and uncertainty is such an ordeal. In order for the implantation to work, I'm supposed to relax, be happy, and not feel stressed. Stress apparently causes the womb to contract. Hearing that totally stressed me out.

While I had been really hopeful with my previous transfer, and had felt really positive that it would work; I am now like a deer caught in headlights. I am so terrified of going through the depressive suicidal state again should this transfer fail.

This embryo implantation also comes smack in the middle of a major work project. But while I have to withdraw from it, I cannot not think about it.

So after pushing myself to finish as much work as I could on Monday night (morning? I stopped only at 2am), I got up all exhausted on Tuesday morning, and was embarrassingly late for 45 minutes. But that meant I didn't have to wait so long this time. During the first embryo transfer, I waited for close to 2 hours despite having an appointment. This time, I only waited for half an hour. Perks of being late.

Hubby and I were shuffled into a smaller room this time. It was so much less intimidating here. While the main operating theatre was a Cleanroom, this felt more like a dentist's room. Hubby and I didn't have to wear the elaborate gown here. In fact, the doctor didn't wear his gown either.

I almost became the first human to die from holding in a bursting bladder. After the nurse allowed me to sneak a leak, Dr. Chan arrived. He looked a little disapproving that my bladder was not as full as it should be, but it seemed full enough for the procedure. So after a really short chat with the doctor, the bunch of them started to fuss over my vagina. Dr Chan, Dr Liu, the nurse Grace and the embryologist busied themselves with putting the apparatus into me.

Halfway through, another doctor that hubby and I secretly nicknamed (in good nature!) the 'Zombie doctor' appeared out of nowhere and observed my vagina being invaded.

It was less painful this time. But I was mentally drained. Hubby forbade me from naming these 2 embryos (Caesar and Destiny); a 3-cell and a 4-cell. They're graded 2 and 3 respectively. Not the best. But I gotta relax and believe it'll work.

The doctor gave me 5 days hospitalisation leave this time so I can, you know, go shopping and relax.

Yes, the doctor ordered me to go shopping; I am officially prescribed with retail therapy.