13 June 2016, Sunday 6am.

I woke up at my bladder's command; something I had grown accustomed to at this hour.

As usual, I fumbled my way to the toilet in a zombie-fied state. As usual, I sleepily patted the kitty who was sleeping on the sink in the darkness while I eased down onto the toilet bowl.

Not as usual, I felt something slippery and lumpy slither out of me at the end of my piss. I jerked awake. The Mucus Plug! I flipped on the light switch and examined the contents. Sure enough, there was a lump of blood in the toilet bowl, and some bloody discharge.

I groaned. It was Sunday very morning, and I am still asleep. 2 days ago on Friday, we had set an appointment with Dr Jerry Chan to check into the hospital for induction on 16 June if I was still pregnant by then. I had fully (ok half) expected to enjoy one last weekend and to finish up my work over the next few days before the delivery.

I went back to bed. This was way too early in the morning for me. I tried to will myself back to sleep. I'll deal with this in the morning.

But baby wasn't giving up. 10 minutes later, the contractions started. And the cat meowed at that exact moment. The cat never meows at that hour. The cat knows.

These contractions were different from the Braxton Hicks that had been plaguing me for the past month or so. These contractions were like some of the worst period cramps I had, and they were spaced about 10 minutes apart.

I looked over at hubby who was starting to stir from my restlessness on the bed.

"Are you awake?"
"Why?"
"I think it's today."

Hubby shot up.

"Really? Do we go hospital now?"
"... Let's wait for a bit."

So we started to prepare. I had a long good shower, and a breakfast of soya bean and Youtiao. The contractions were still bearable, so I opened up my laptop and tried to finish up some work. By noon, the pain had gotten worse. When the cramps came, I would be rendered slightly immobile. So we drove to the hospital.

I was curiously calm about the impending labour. There was no panic, no overt excitement or anxiety. We even had Mcdonald's for lunch before proceeding to the Triage for examination.

1:30pm, I was determined to be in early labour. But my cervix was still not open. The house officer says active labour could be as early as a few hours, or as long as a few days. I was given the choice to get warded and wait, or go home and wait. I chose to go home.


The Active Labour

We took a good nap when we reached home with kitty curled at our feet. Something we were so glad that we did later on.

By evening, the contractions started to get worse and closer together. It was around 7-8pm after dinner with my parents when we returned to the hospital. By this time, I had been rendered immobile by the contraction and Hubby now had to send me back up to the delivery suite in a wheelchair.

The pain now felt like the past 9 months' worth of period cramps returned to me all at once on a jumbo platter.

In the delivery suite, they announced I was 3-4cm dilated and in active labour. I demanded the epidural, which they promised will be given immediately, like, now. So apparently, "immediate" and "now" in KKH was more than an hour later. I had to make do with the ridiculously non-existent placebo effect of the laughing gas in the meantime. The laughing gas was really an unfunny joke. It didn't work at all, and it made me want to throw up.

When the anaesthetist finally arrived with my epidural, I was close to tears from the pain. But I have to say, the relief was heavenly. I cannot imagine how it is like to deliver without the pain relief.

The nurses injected oxytocin to speed up the contractions. It was my first birth, and everyone was confident that I would have to wait till at least 6-8am before I would be fully dilated.

It was now 11:30pm. I as 6cm dilated. I could hardly feel my left leg due to the epidural, but the contraction pain was starting to creep into my right bum. I told the resident doctor so, and she in turn got the anaesthetist to prepare for an epidural top up because "it's going to be a long night".

So I received the top up and all feeling around my waist to bum was gone and all while the doctor and nurses monitored baby's heartbeat and my contractions with concern.

12am. The resident doctor decided to check my dilation again. And surprise! I was fully dilated at 10cm, with the baby rapidly descending! The room came alive. The nurses were excited that they didn't have to camp out here with me the entire night after all. Dr Jerry Chan was informed and he was probably cursing about the strange hour.

Now this was 5 minutes after I had the epidural top up when the nurses started to demand I push. I couldn't feel anything at all. I had to use my memory of my worst constipation to abstractly push. And I promptly vomited after my first try.

I had also started to shiver and shake like nobody's business even though I got increasingly warm. Just some side effects of the epidural no one told me about.

And so began the more than 2 hours of pushing, shaking, and vomiting. I got a few minutes' break after every episode of heaving while using my intensely shaking hands to hold up my stone weight legs. And the oxytocin made me feel so drowsy that I had to struggle with all my might to keep my eyes open in between the pushing.


The Delivery

The signal to push started before I could vocalize that.

As promised, this was the last push. I watched as the good doctor pulled out this miniature human. He was limp and wet and bloody. 2 seconds later, the miniature human came alive with a wail. Dr Chan did a very quick wipe down of the baby, flipped the baby around and skilfully placed him on my chest. The wailing naked baby shivered in uncertainty. His blood stained my arms and chest while he snuggled on my breast. The wailing died down and his little hands sought comfort and security on my skin.

I looked at him in amazement and uttered my first words to my son: "Hello."

Not the most inspired thing to say, I know. But I was so overwhelmed. Nothing I've ever read; there is no literature out there, that can concisely capture the moment when a first time mom sees her child being dragged out of her and prepare her for this feeling of awe, relief, anxiety (is baby healthy?) and wonderment.

I was awash with fatigue, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. So innocent. So sinless. So vulnerable. So helpless. This little being that just a few hours ago, was hiccupping in my tummy while squeezing into his favorite spot under my left rack of ribs.

After all that has happened, after all the ordeal since last year, I finally met my son.

I have finally graduated to be a mother.

It's been a while! So many things have happened in the pregnancy department since my Week 28 update.

Let's see. Firstly, I ditched Specialist Clinic C in KK Hospital once and for all. To hell with subsidised clinics. Whichever minister that declared our subsidised clinics provide care that is just as good as the private ones have obviously never queued nor get attended by those doctors before.


WEEK 29

The plan have always been to switch to a private doctor when I reach Week 34 or something. But the last visit on Week 29 was something else. Most of the doctors at Clinic C have always been nice although they were young, and very obviously not as experienced. But they try, and I appreciate that they'll move on to be specialists after they gain enough experience points. But not that doctor at Room 10. The doctor in Room 10 looks like she's the oldest doctor in Clinic C and have probably been there for 10 years, and she'll probably forever be a junior doctor there.

After queueing for 4 hours on 31 March, all she asked when I finally entered the room was something along the line of "Do you bleed." No. "Ok you're fine." When I tried to tell her I had been having periodic cramps in my groin area that I never had before, she said "Next time it cramps go to A&E." Oh that is so helpful.

And that was it. I was ushered out the door. I don't think she even looked at me the entire time of 3 minutes that I was in the room.

A few days later, a member from S-Presto; a research study I was participating as a subject at KK Hospital called to inform me that I had an abnormally low Haemoglobin level and tried to confirm that the doctor I last met had already addressed this issue. I was shocked. No she did not.

Well she had my file, she had my results by the time I visited as the blood test was done before the visit, so she should have at least mentioned...? Anyway, be sure to bring it up to the next doctor I visit.

I was so angry when I heard this. That useless doctor! Immediately after that phone call, I called KK Hospital to schedule an appointment in the private suite. I am so done with the subsidised clinic.


WEEK 32

So on Week 32, I'm back under Dr Jerry Chan's care again. Waiting time was a breeze. He did the ultrasound check in the room. In the room! I didn't have to queue in a separate room or anything like that! And, he dropped the bombshell after the scan. My baby is 3 weeks behind in growth. "Oh, but you already know that right"

Huh what? Of cause I didn't! He was confused. He looked through my notes and records. All the previous scans under the subsidised clinics had indicated my baby was consistently small sized.

Hubby and I were stunned. I had always asked the doctors at the subsidised clinics if my small baby bump was anything to worry about and they have ALWAYS said don't worry, scan shows baby is normal.

I was so upset. I am never going to trust these subsidised doctors ever again.

So Dr Jerry Chan says there's nothing I can do about baby's size right now. But we decided to try our wild card: Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). Hubby's mom has a BFF who is a certified professor in TCM so we visited her clinic for some advice.

My main problem was with my intense pregnancy-induced gastric pain which stops me from eating hearty meals. This was a problem the western medicine haven't been able to solve with their little tablets. So she prescribed me with some medicine for the gastric pain and also to improve appetite.

And it worked! For the past 3 weeks, I have been eating 2 times more than what I used to eat. I still get the pain sometimes, especially if I accidentally take garlic or onions, but it was mild compared to the past.


WEEK 34

So my follow up with Dr Chan last week showed that my baby has grown! He attributed the growth to a 3rd trimester growth spurt. Maybe. Or maybe TCM rocks. As long as baby has grown, I'll just keep doing what I was doing.

Not posting the ultrasound pictures because they have gotten so abstract I no longer know what I'm looking at in the photos anymore.

I had been a little nervous about gestational diabetes. My mom got it while she was pregnant with me, and I've been quite liberal with sweet foods since the first trimester.

I was scheduled for the Glucose Tolerance Test on Thursday, Week 29, and was required to fast before the test for 8 hours. So I hadn't had breakfast and was a tired mess when I went for the test in the morning.

They first took 3 full tubes of my blood before giving me a bottle of orange liquid to ingest. The drink was NASTY. The coordinator promised me that this version of the drink was more pleasant than anything they ever had. It was some kind of orange flavored sugary beverage that was slightly carbonated. I thought I was an expert in sweet, but this awful liquid scratched at my throat while I gulped it down. Baby must have hated it too, making me all nauseous with gag reflex for at least half an hour afterwards.

16 minutes after drinking the bottle of sugar, they took another few tubes of my blood again. And finally, 2 hours later, several more tubes of blood. I was thoroughly drained by the end of the it. Did they really need so much blood just to compare the insulin levels before and after I took the sugar bomb?

I swear they must be cultivating baby vampires in the basement or something with all that blood. I had a total of 4 punctures between my arms because one of the blood taking attempt failed due to my mini veins.

When I was finally released for lunch, all I wanted to do was look for an empty consultation room and hibernate on the bed.

At least the Glucose Tolerance Test was free. (I'll tell you why in my next post.)

And the most important thing; the results. 4 hours later, doctor says it's normal. (Yes, the doctor consultation queue was that long!)

Well, Yay to more ice cream!!

That nasty sugar bomb; served cold.

I haven't been so fascinated with my belly button since I was 4 years old. My tummy is expanding by the day and the belly button is totally feeling the strain; getting squeezed out of the way. Although it hasn't been pushed out yet, it looks all squinty now. It amuses me every time I look at it in the mirror, like some alien life form landed on that spot.

Oh oh, and I am officially in my 3RD TRIMESTER!!

A Hard-Trotted Milestone

Around this time just 1 year ago, I was hospitalised for OHSS, and subsequently failed the first embryo transfer after the hospital discharge.

There have been so many traumatic disappointments along the way that even now with my tummy working hard to evict my belly button, I am still paranoid at every cramp, thinking I may lose the little one. I am so fearful of getting attached, so scared of putting my all into planning the nursery, and of jinxing myself and baby or something with my enthusiasm.

And that's why besides occasionally thinking of baby names, hubby and I hadn't planned anything at all yet for the little one's arrival.

In fact, we were so 'chill' with my pregnancy that when our friends found out 2 weeks ago that we hadn't started preparing anything, they were shocked. In contrast, our mutual friend whose EDD in August (2 months after me) have gotten half their nursery done up; with breast pumps, sterilisers and all well stocked up. Not to mention they've also already booked an infant care slot in a childcare center for... February 2017!

And there I was, still no inkling at all how the breast pump is supposed to work. (Ok, after that meeting, I have since grudgingly done some research and now know a little more about breast pumps)


Braxton Hicks?

On Sunday, I had a pulsating cramp near my groin area which lasted 2 days. I was close to freaking out while a more rational part of me concluded that it was probably this thing called the Braxton Hicks that I've been reading so much about online. The cramps seemed to have taken a break today. So I hope everything is fine.

There's a huge scan coming up this Thursday; the first since Week 20. Oh honey, I hope everything's fine in there!!


Thomson Medical Center or KK Hospital?

You know how friends have all sorts of recommendations? Hubby and I have been totally comfortable with KKH so far, but a friend whose wife delivered a little more than a year ago started dissing KKH when we met a while back, briefly assuming the role of TMC salesperson or something. His wife delivered at Thomson (TMC) and they swear by that place.

To be honest, I do like the conduciveness of TMC as opposed to KKH's sterile environment. So now we're a little torn on whether to change hospitals. The original plan was to switch from being a subsidized patient to private consultation with Dr. Jerry Chan after Week 30. But since Jerry only delivers in KKH, we'd have to look for another doctor if we were to change to TMC.

Something I didn't expect though: Doctor charges aside, the single wards for TMC seems to be a cheaper than KKH! We're going for the KKH hospital tour next Friday and will decide after that.


Meanwhile, our baby-related job this week is to clear out a room to start planning the nursery.

I wanted to do a post during Week 20; the halfway point. But I procrastinated a bit, and wham! Before I knew it, the Friday that just passed was Week 24!

Time is starting to fly now that the symptoms are subsiding. And I'm getting really nervous as the days of freedom are getting limited.

Let's see what's been going on recently pregnancy-wise...

1. Zika Virus
"Oh great, the epidemic have to happen when I'm pregnant." This must be what all pregnant women around the world are thinking nowadays.

Between my last post and now, Zika Virus has suddenly exploded and forcefully captured the world's attention. Although the virus hasn't reached Singapore, I live everyday in paranoia. 2 days ago, I got bitten by a mosquito on the back of my hand and I FREAKED OUT. The primary concern is that 80% of the people who got the virus shows no symptoms. So for all we know, the virus has been silently infiltrating the population for all we know.

And I keep forgetting to put on my insect repellent. And it's way too hot to cover myself from head to toe when I go out. I've been keeping away from parks and gardens, and known mosquito hotspots.


2. The Baby Bump
My tummy is finally showing. Sort of. I have to wear really tight dresses before people go "Oh baby bump!" Otherwise, it just disappears into normal tees and airy dresses. But it IS turning into some sort of mini table.

My BMI is now 20.4. I miss my BMI reading of 18, and have to keep reminding myself that I'm sharing 20.4 with another human being. Hey baby, please return my flat tummy to me after you come out ok!


3. Sleeping Position
Having a growing fetus means sleeping woes. Although tummy is not quite that big yet, I can no longer lie facing up for longer than 10 minutes before feeling uncomfortable. And forget about lying face down. I haven't been able to do that since OHSS.

For some reason, lying on the left side was more comfortable than lying on the right side, where there is a slight pain in my lower abdomen. Dr Google says lying on the left side is better too, because the liver in on the right. Well, whatever my body fancies.

And Hubby bought me a maternity pillow for my birthday which just passed. It has the cutest name ever: "Big Flopsy". I mean, how do you not want to hug something called the Big Flopsy!! (Review on Big Flopsy coming up soon)

4. The Flying Kick!
For the longest time, I thought my tummy was rumbling with gas. Until various ex-pregnant mommies confirmed that it's the baby. It's something like rolling waves over a small area; really fast.

And one day, I'm totally convinced when the sudden jab from inside my tummy felt like a disgruntled kick from a little baby. The feeling was like a variation of the waves.

My favorite ultrasound so far; baby's foot!

5. Darling, please get along with my Bladder
During Week 20's scan, I saw the little one punching repeatedly.. at what I assume the general direction of my bladder.

The little one seems to be mortal enemies with my bladder. My toilet runs when I attempt to sleep are an average of 2-5 times a night. To hell with the people who goes "sleep now while you still can". No sweeties, I have forgotten what it was like to sleep through the night. The last time was before the ovum pick up and pre-OHSS days.


Coming Friday's my next clinic visit. No scan this time. I've also been having lots of sharp pains when I walk. Hope everything's fine...

This was from Week 20!

Tokyo's Pregnancy Badge hanging on a bag. I like how it's so unassuming.

As I mentioned in my Week 18 Update post, I have a little baby bump now! Though vaguely visible under selected clothing, it makes me look more fat than pregnant. And no, no one is giving up any seats on the MRT to this preggie yet.

Speaking of public transport seats, any woman who have ever been pregnant will find it ironic. The period of time when a pregnant woman needs the MRT or bus seat the most is during her 1st trimester. We have all these nice human beings who are willing to give up their seats to those who need it (my faith in humanity is high); they just don't know you're dying from the 1st trimester symptoms. And by the time you have a nice rounded baby bump in your 2nd trimester and the nice human beings are giving up their seats to you, you no longer need it as much as a few weeks ago; although it's still nice to be able to rest on the train.

But nice human beings aside, we also have the judgemental nutcases who periodically upload videos of people they judge as being physically fit and thus undeserving of public transport seats onto youtube and Stomp. (How dare the NSman sit on the MRT?! How dare that rotund man not give up his seat to a pregnant woman! Obese men should be exercising not sitting down!) 

And the reasons why these videos go viral almost instantly is because there is a whole demographic of judgemental crazies on the internet whose sole reason for their existence is to engage in cyber witch hunt and to name and shame perceived baddies.

So thanks to these militant nutcases, I didn't even dare to sit on the empty priority seats because I didn't think the best way to announce my pregnancy was by public explanation on social media on why I am starring in a viral youtube video. And this was when I desperately needed to rest from the 1st trimester cramps; dizziness; nausea, breathlessness, acid reflux; gastritis; and all that jazz.

It is times like these that I wished Singapore would adopt the maternity badges or 'Baby on board' badge like in Japan and UK.

In said countries, after you get pregnant, you can apply for a maternity badge to wear in public. This badge is not to pressurize other commuters to give up their seats to you but if nice human beings see it, they will know you're in need of a seat. Most importantly, you can sit in the priority seat without getting all paranoid on "voyeurs" filming you.

So come on Singapore! You called on us to breed! Make us some maternity badges!

And if MCYS decides to implement the maternity badges, please take a page from Japan's design. The maternity badges in Japan are so cute that I wanted to do our babymoon in Japan just to collect the badge! Unfortunately, I couldn't decipher if they give it to pregnant tourists too, and what exactly is the procedure to procure one. There was a period of awareness campaign when they were giving it out at their metro stations in Tokyo, but I believe it's over.

If anyone knows how to get these Japanese maternity badges, please please share with me!

I love this design!! THIS is the one I wanna fly to Japan to collect!!

London's Baby On Board badge. The design is so typically English; Boring.

Maternity badges from other Japanese cities

Assuming there are 4 weeks every single month of the year, I am now 4.5 months pregnant! 2 more weeks to that 20 week scan.

And I am also finally not feeling sick ALL THE TIME! That's a milestone, to me at least. Hello second trimester! That said, the following still throws me into a violent fit of nausea:

1) Smell of food being cooked; the oily kind
2) Smell of very oily cooked food (I'm spared from fried food though, for some reason)
3) Smell of extremely spicy food (The qualifier is that I have a relatively high tolerance for spicy food so I'm still able to enjoy mild spices in my food)
4) Bumpy rides (No, it's not carsick)
5) Tight clothing
6) Random fancy by my baby


The 1st one: Smell of food being cooked. Now this is really the WORST. My apartment is near-airtight with the air-conditioning on almost 24/7. But when I step out into my yard of out of my apartment, I will get attacked by the stench of the entire apartment block cooking at the same bloody time. I either hold my breath and make a run for the elevator, or I get reduced into a whimpering nauseous heap.

The 6th one: Random fancy by my baby. As if to prove my point, it just happened. I was happily typing this post when I suddenly get into a throwing up fit; no explainable reason whatsoever.

But other than that, I'm more or less a functional woman.

My baby bump is also finally bigger than my OHSS bloat. The extra big shorts I bought to accommodate my OHSS bloat is officially too tight as of this morning. I've put on about 2kg since before the IVF procedure. But although my bump is showing quite a bit now, I look more fat than pregnant. And no one is giving up any seats to me on the subway yet.

I've been taking baby bump pictures (almost) every week but I'm a little shy to publish them here.

I bought my first pair of maternity jeans! That's my first piece of maternity clothing; highly recommended by my new-mommy girlfriend. Will review it at a later date after I'm well acquainted with the jeans.

So looking very forward to a positive 20 week scan to assure myself that all in well in the womb down there!

Like what I said in my previous post, we've started to tell people I'm expecting. It's always nice to tell that to friends who have recently become parents themselves so their pregnancy experiences, recommendations, and advice are still fresh in their heads.

Most of the advice are more or less the same, but the most interesting recommendation I received was from a girlfriend who ordered me to buy this stretch marks prevention cream IMMEDIATELY.

I had been quite apprehensive about the prospect of stretch marks, but have since accepted that it was part of a mom's sacrifice. Until my girlfriend appears with this shining beam of hope that I may be spared from the scars of a snapped tummy. She happily says she started using the cream as soon as she knew she was pregnant, and never developed a single mark. Her son is now 1 year old.

So I bought said cream over the next few days.

The Mustela Stretch Marks Prevention Cream was made in France and cost me SGD49.50 a tube. The reviews online seem mostly positive, although some women still developed stretch marks ultimately even after religious use. A quick check on Mustela's website for details of their 'clinically tested' results showed that the tests were only carried out on 20+ women, with no information on the women's age range or race. (Yes, I believe different race's skin types do make a difference in results for cosmetic cream)

But who cares! I'm gonna try it out. So far, I've applied it for 5 days already. The on-again off-again itchiness on my growing belly has been off-again since I started applying. But it's only been 5 days so I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

The cream is runnier than I expected so a load tend to ooze out when you squeeze it too hard (actually I only applied a little pressure), so be careful there.

There is a slight fragrance from the cream that my newly pregnancy-induced Hyperosmia is not rejecting, so I guess that means it is more or less natural instead of chemical.

Well, I can only update whether the cream really works after my baby pops out and my tummy deflates, so let's hope for the best.


This is a non-paid product review. Want me to review your product? Contact me at  taru.contact at gmail.com.

So I was spared a full 2 weeks wait for the $800 test. I only found out it's called the Panorama Prenatal Screen when they emailed the report over.

The genetic consultant called hubby last Thursday (17/12) to deliver the news. The probability for Down Syndrome is now <1/10000 according to this test with 99% accuracy.

Oh gosh, we were so relieved! I wanted to jump and celebrate, except I can't really jump. The test also picked up the chromosome readings easily so we also now know the gender of my baby. But shhh, I'm not telling yet. Watching people guess based on their 'experiences' is so much fun.

We're probably the only ones I know that know the gender of the baby at less than 14 weeks. Hubby was disappointed at the gender though, and moped about it for a couple of days until I ordered him to snap out of it.

So now that we've cleared this milestone, I hope the little one is still fine in me. A hint of a baby bump has started to appear. I swear it's real this time! Although my belly still looks smaller than when I got OHSS. I always thought I looked 3 months pregnant during my OHSS ordeal, but it seems I had looked further along than I thought.

I will be 15 weeks along this Christmas. It's time to start announcing the good news. Here's a pic of baby in my belly at 13 weeks, 2 days; 7cm. Compare that to the 'abstract art' in my 2nd Antenatal dating scan. At least when I show this picture, no one is asking me "How does this work?" anymore.

So here we are, in the middle of yet another '2 week wait'. This time, my Schrodinger's Cat is in a lab somewhere in the hospital.

It. Just. Never. Ends.

Last Monday (7/12), we went for the Fetal Abnormality Screening. I had been nervous about the scan for a while but largely distracted by the morning sickness to fall over myself in worry.

The ultrasound scan was surreal. For the very first time, we saw the baby move. It moved! It was waving its arms in what looked like a salute, and it was turning around and flipping. And I swear I could see the silhouette of hubby's nose on the baby. I wonder if this means it's a boy!

We walked out of the scan room in a sense of wonder while waiting for the results. It measures about 5.6cm, but it was moving so excitedly!

But then the doctor presented the chilling results to us. There was a high risk that the baby may get Down Syndrome; more specifically, a 1 in 112 chance. This was 90% accurate

The next day, we opted for the other blood test that will be 99% accurate, and cost about $800. But the results can only be out in 2 weeks. 2 weeks of hell.

Yesterday, we went for the gynae checkup. The first official one after I 'graduated' from the fertility clinic. This time it was really hard to have to grimly watch the baby happily wriggling in the womb, dreaming of life; when its fate is so uncertain now. It has grown ever so slightly more, and is now measuring at 7cm.

I went through most of last week coping by being really busy and involved with work. It's not working this week at all. After a year of emotional trauma, after 3 episodes of OHSS madness, after suffering physical pain for 3 consecutive months; there is that possibility that I may have to interrupt this pregnancy. And after I have passed the torturous 1st trimester too!

We went for the 2nd dating scan on 16 Nov Monday, and I was so pleased that I have been promoted from the transvaginal probe to the 'over-the-belly' kind (what is this called?).

I was a little stunned as she placed the probe on my lower belly and immediately, the sac and the 'blob' inside it appeared on the screen. It has grown so much! From a little pulsating light in the dark of the ocean, I can now see a tiny humonoid shape (can you see the head shape in that picture!!); the pulsating heartbeat right in the middle of the chest.

A sense of relief washed over me. Yes, I had been paranoid. The internet overflowing with stories of failed pregnancies in every corner is really not a good place to live in.

And that was the good news. My little diamond is growing well at 26mm!

The bad news was... that the 2nd sac remained empty and silent; an abyss. I was really disappointed. Although I had been more paranoid for my 1st sac than hopeful for my 2nd, the disappointment I felt then in the room was huge. I had for weeks entertained the eager thought that I could settle 2 pregnancies in 1 go and leave my uterus alone once and for all. But now I may have to go through the ordeal all over again for a 2nd child. Having just recovered from OHSS, the thought is horrifying.

But that's another scenario for another day. Right now, I am just focussing on being grateful that sac no. 1 looks healthy. Hubby was grinning from ear to ear for the next 1/2 hour after the scan, although he probably didn't realise it.

3 weeks ago, the machine claimed I was 5.7 weeks pregnant. Exactly 3 weeks later, I am suddenly 9.4 weeks pregnant. Where did the 5 days go to? Dr Jerry Chan later ascertained the latter date is correct, and my full term will be on 17 June 2016 (That's my daddy's birthday! He's going to be so thrilled!)

Next appointment: Fetal Abnormality Scan on 7 Dec for risk of Down Syndrome. This is another huge milestone to cross.

Grow healthy and well, my dearest little diamond.

Meanwhile, I have clean forgotten what it is like to not feel sick all the time; have a normal appetite; have a brain that doesn't feel like mud half the time; nor to sleep soundly through an entire night...

I am so sick of wanting to throw up all the time. Why do they call this "Morning Sickness" when it happens throughout the day; randomly; and sometimes more acute in the evening? Ondansetron, the promised 'wonder pill' for morning sickness useless on its own. I need to take it with Prochlorperazine for any relief at all.

And there is this pain in my abdomen that feels like someone punched me in the guts and I badly want to throw up. I've been prescribed several gastric-related medication and all of them are useless.

Well, at least the OHSS seem to have waned about 2 weeks ago, lasting a grand total of around a month, more than 2 weeks longer than the promised 12 days by the doctor.

Let me just say that OHSS X Morning Sickness is not funny at all. The breathlessness, the pain, the exhaustion, the bloated tummy, the nausea that you no longer know whether is induced by OHSS or the pregnancy...

And my tummy is thankfully all deflated now after the OHSS liquid got pee-ed out. In fact, thanks (or no thanks!) to the loss of appetite and constant nausea, I lost 1-2kg since before the OHSS a month ago. During the height of my OHSS when I looked several months pregnant, I truthfully didn't think I'd see my flat tummy again until at least next year.

I am officially 8.5 weeks pregnant today and wondering how long before the baby bump appears. I hope the weight loss is not affecting the pregnancy in any way!

Apart from the nausea and loss of appetite, I seem to have gained a new superpower in the form of a heightened sense of smell (hyperosmia). I seem to be able to smell 'details' in various odours I have not experienced before. For example, I can suddenly only smell the chemicals in my favorite shower gel and hand soap which I used to find fragrant. The chemical smell in the soap assaults me relentlessly after every shower and hand wash, making my nausea worse.

I now know how my cat feels as she wrinkles her little nose and bolt every time I spray a scent in her direction.

And assorted food smells so pungent! My body have suddenly rejected my favorite Tonkotsu ramen, gagging me with the aroma that I once salivated to. Another one of my favorite foods: Sambal Stingray, now smells like rotten trash.

And my on-again off-again craving for McNuggets dipped in curry sauce? I now know how much chemicals the Curry Sauce contain. I mean, I could taste almost every non-peanut ingredient chemical in that unassuming brown sauce as I crunched into my McNuggets last week. I'm swearing off that sauce until I can't taste it again. Wait a minute, that means my super power extends to my heightened sense of taste as well...

Anyway, Monday is my next scan. Monday is the day I will know for sure if my second sac has lighted up, and whether my first sac is still doing well. I am so nervous!!

I almost choked with emotion when Dr Jerry Chan announced "We can see the sac".

Sac! "What's a sac?" I needed to confirm. He briefly explained to little bimbo me exactly what I thought it is.

That was last Friday. Dr Chan had got us to go down after I complained about the intense cramps that had suddenly appeared. So he wanted to do a quick check to ensure there was no miscarriage, and that was when we got our first look at the little gestational sac via the ultrasound.

At least 1 diamond made it...


And Monday 26/10 was THE dating and viability scan. I was glad I had gotten a quick preview on Friday so my nerves weren't too frayed.

This was the more precise scan done vaginally. The probe searched, and it was like searching for deep sky objects through the telescope at the night skies back in the '90s; manually, without the motorised pointer.

And when the gestational sac peeked into view, it was as satisfying as locating the nebula. There was 1, and there was another. There were 2 sacs! Twins! The lady doctor probed a little more and focused on the bigger sac. There was a pulse of light in the little sac. It was like a blinking light from the lighthouse in the dark of the ocean..

I am 100% pregnant with the gestational sac growing in the right place. I was so relieved. The 2nd sac was silent though. No lighthouse from that ocean.

Although a little disappointed, I was grateful that at least 1 made it. I finally cleared this stage!

Dr Chan seemed so pleased that it was a singleton pregnancy. He had strongly advised trying for twins right from the start. "You don't know what we have seen" was his dark warning a lifetime ago.

Hubby says this may be a blessing. There must be a reason why the doctors are so wary of multiple pregnancies. Deep down, I am still hoping that the light will appear in the 2nd sac during the next scan...



Meanwhile, the OHSS just simply refuses to leave me. I still look 3 months more pregnant than I really am. At times, it seems to be growing; other times, it seems to be subsiding. What is going on! And the pain in my torso oooohhhh.

The doctors are at their wits' end at my condition too. Since I seem to still be able to function, they're not overly concerned.

I suddenly developed an insane craving for grapes sometime last week; specifically purple and red grapes. And now it is suddenly my favorite fruit.

These little bundles of sweet gems are a surprising relief to nausea! You don't have to eat an entire bowl of it. When I get a spell of nausea that the Ondansetron cannot deal with, I pop in a couple of grapes, and chew them slowly; one at a time. Immediate relief.

So far it has worked 90% of the time.

The little problem with grapes is that I'm terrified of eating too much of them at one sitting at the moment. They're classified as 'heaty' fruits, and are sort of contributing to my stubborn cough. I can't wait for my cough to be gone so I can down these lovely grapes bunch by bunch.

Today is Day 27 since my diamonds got fertilised. So the hospital calling with a "Congrats! You're pregnant!" after the blood test isn't the end of it. Dr Jerry Chan reminded us in an email on the day of the pregnancy test that we still needed to wait for the scan 2 weeks later to "confirm the viability of the pregnancy".

After which I got all nervous again. There is a 2 weeks wait AFTER the 2 weeks wait!! OMG nobody told me about this!!

What can I do to ensure my little diamonds survive well till then? And there's that stupid home pregnancy test I did before the blood test that tugs at my sleeve whenever I ran out of things to worry about. Stupidest thing I did this cycle.

The scan is on 26 Oct Mon, 4 more days. I just recently found out that they calculate your pregnancy from the first day of your Last Menstrual Period (LMP). I am such a noob in all these. This means I am 6 weeks 3 days pregnant according to my doctor. 6 weeks seem like such a long time already! At least I hope I am still pregnant...

My doctor, who by the way, discouraged us to break the news to our parents when we told him we haven't done so yet last week. Everything rests on the scan on 26 Oct to determine that there is no "chemical pregnancy". So far.

So.. hold our horses.

Meanwhile, my OHSS is really getting annoying. It's like an ex-boyfriend that won't let go, traumatising every aspect of my life for my undivided attention.

The bloated-ness in my tummy makes me look 3 months' pregnant. It's hard to meet people I know and attempt to explain that no my tummy is not what you think it is. You see, we are keeping my IVF ordeal completely classified from the people we know until we are sure of success. I can't handle the "So how is it?"s in case everything falls apart. I'd have to focus all energy on remaining sane.

And when the pain comes... it is pure torture. New cramps at my lower abdomen started on Tuesday. The nausea is getting hard to reign in. I get severe intense pain in my abdomen in the middle of the night EVERY NIGHT. Today is Day 16 since the start of this Late Onset OHSS. How long more!!!

I have been on Hospitalisation Leave since 25 Sep. I am so fortunate I am self-employed and able to have a flexible schedule. How do employed women deal with being away from work for a month!

I got awakened to a thrashing twisting pain in my mid torso again early this morning before falling back into an exhausted sleep. This is happening on an almost daily basis, with the crippling pain lasting 10 minutes before tossing me back to sleep.

When I finally did wake up proper, I was blanketed with anxiety. My scheduled pregnancy blood test is this coming Wed 14 Oct, and there was no way I could get past these 3 days without knowing exactly what is going on in my body.

I decided to do a real damned stupid thing. I ripped out the Home Pregnancy Test Kit and braced myself for whatever results which could be false. I told myself that I wanted to know if the test kit results are accurate so this is for matching Wednesday's blood test results.

But I'm a real wussy. Before the results came out on the stick, I chickened out and slammed it face down. I was suddenly not so confident if I can take an emotional ride on a false negative or false positive.

So now there's a Schrodinger's Cat in the washroom.


Almost immediately after, Hubby excitedly told me that Dr Jerry Chan had replied to his email on my condition, asking us to go down to do the blood test today instead of Wednesday. YES!! I TOTALLY NEED THIS!!

So we flew down to the hospital. I gave them hubby's phone number to phone us the results this time. (It takes 2-3 hours to analyse the blood)

We went for lunch and ran some errands separately at a mall near the hospital afterwards, nervously passing the longest 2 hours ever. When I got into the car as we were about to leave, he turned to me and grinned "So I guess we need to start thinking about baby names."

The hospital had called with positive results! It felt so surreal! After the long long journey, we finally reached a milestone! I was euphoric, we were elated! It felt like we finally cleared a stage in an extremely difficult RPG game.

So we were summoned back to the hospital for further medication, and scans to pinpoint the problem of my pain. Lots of water, it's OHSS, as I expected. I know the pain well by now even if the doctors try to explain it away with other improbable diagnoses (gastric, acid reflux, hormonal bloating etc).

I guess they just expected it to be much more violent for a Late Onset OHSS. Oh I hope not!!

So now I'm to 'observe' the symptoms at home, and when it gets intolerable, get myself admitted. Somehow, knowing that you're pregnant makes the pain much more tolerable. At least I'm not in pain for nothing!


Back home, time to check out Schrodinger's Cat. And I now have the answer on whether you should use the Home Pregnancy Test Kit during your 2 weeks wait...

The test kit turned up negative.

I was shocked. Thank goodness I chickened out reading it earlier in the day!

Dumb thoughts started to whizz past; what if the home pregnancy test kit is right and the blood test is wrong? Oh geez I totally regret using this cheap contraception in the morning. All it did was to cloud me. Of cause the blood test is the accurate one!

So if you're really itching to use the home pregnancy test kit during your 2 weeks wait. You have been warned. Beware of false results that may potentially drive you nuts.

(This junk of a test kit is the Guardian house brand. Do Not Buy.)

OHSS is strange. I fluctuate between either losing all appetite for food developing one of a hippo's.

Anyway, this looks like utter junk food I know, but it's actually quite interesting. Fried chicken cutlet squirted with cheese and instant noodles (or 公仔面 if you will) doused in soy sauce with 1 lonely stalk of veggie; good for those days when you're craving something really salty. And trust me, some days, it gets so salty I'd need to drain the soy sauce before the noodles is anywhere near edible.

Toast Box don't sell this at all their outlets. In fact, I don't know if they sell this anywhere else besides at Compass Point. I guess I only have a few days left to eat this; if OHSS permit, as Compass Point Mall is slated for a year long renovation closure within the month. 90% of the stores in the mall have evacuated already.

Hopefully I'll stumble upon this on a another Toast Box outlet soon. If you know any Toast Box outlet that has this on their menu, tell me maybe?

(6 more days to the blood test I'm going nuts!)

This persistent OHSS thing JUST won't leave me alone.

The day after my Fresh Embryo Transfer, the symptoms started to go away. And as long as I popped in the anti-barfing meds, I was generally functional. By last Friday, the only med I was taking was Cabergoline. I was even well enough to take public transport to the mall for a movie and some shopping over the weekend. Hows that!

Then yesterday the pain suddenly returned. I had to pitifully turn back to the anti-barfing pill. Today was worse. The bloating seemed to have more or less gone though. Cramps in the lower abdomen and pain in the middle of my torso accompanied with nausea. Same old story except it's relatively tolerable compared to the OHSS right after ovum pick up. And walking is hard! Every impact sends a jolt up my torso...

Dr Chan had warned of late onset OHSS if I get pregnant.

Am I supposed to feel really positive that the pain may mean I'm pregnant or really scared at an incoming explosive OHSS episode?

Exactly 1 week to the Pregnancy Blood Test and it's all I can do to restrain myself from opening the Home Pregnancy Test kit.

August 3 was my first womb scratch test. I was kinda nervous, and soon learned that the best method to get rid of anxiety is apparently an infuriatingly long wait at the patient's waiting area, where your number gets called 1 hour AFTER your allotted appointment time.

Dr Jerry Chan was pleasant and professional as usual, and explained that it was a simple scratching of the womb. Nothing to worry about.

The procedure itself was much more painful that anticipated though. And because, as established before, my womb's position falls backwards; he had a hard time reaching it via the instruments. To deal with the pain and intense cramps that accompanied the procedure, I had to sing little happy songs in my head while I dug my nails into my palm and fixated my full attention on the hairline crack running down the sterile white wall right beside the bed.

He finally got the prized samples, which looked like a few pieces of bloodied flesh in a tube of clear liquid. I forgot to snap a picture in the midst of my pain. The cramps didn't last long though, and subsided after 15 minutes. His parting advise was to down a couple of Paracetamol an hour before the next cycle...


... Which I totally forgot about come September 3, the 2nd womb scratch test.

The wait was even longer this time, and because Dr. Chan was away, his colleague Dr. Shilla Maria took over, which proved to be an absolute disaster.

My nerves were frayed by the time I finally got called in about 1.5 hours after my appointment time. Dr Shilla looked like she didn't want to be there; like she was totally pissed that extra unscheduled work was thrown at her to cover for a colleague or something like that.

I was ushered to the bed where she proceeded to curtly jab my vag with the probe. I winced of cause; it hurt! And I proceeded to get an earful from her. "No moving!" "No clenching of the bum!" "I'm not going to continue if you don't cooperate!" No little happy songs found their way into my head this time. One of the jabs hurt so much I started to tear and the damned bitch doctor actually put down her instruments and announced "I'm not going to continue if you cry."

The 2 nurses were all over the place at that. They tried to calm me down. Calm HER down. She berated me a little more before I protested through sobs that I can't help how my body is reacting, I was trying my best, and I just wanted to get this over and done with. Somehow she got all indignant at that.

After she finally finished with me, she stomped out of the area while I changed, and started to complain to hubby about me crying, and that she "didn't appreciate being shouted at". HUH?? I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT! What in heaven's name is wrong with this woman! She whined about how she had been doing this for years and "have witnesses that I did everything professionally". Hubby humbly suggested that maybe I was crying because it hurt and not because it was personal against her? He said later that this statement somehow stunned her a little.

Yes bitch, not everything is about you.

So she had calmed down when I came out of the procedure area and I asked her politely what to do after my next cycle of period comes. Her answer was gold: "I don't know. I'm not your doctor." Professional my ass.

The 2 nurses immediately jumped in to the rescue, explaining what to do and what to expect. The nurses at KKH are really awesome.

There. I never thought I'd write about the bitch doctor who was most probably having a bad day that day (PMS? Ditched by boyfriend? Someone ate her sandwich?), but I have time to blog with my 20 days hospitalisation leave now.

So... let's all hope that is the absolutely last I'll ever see of Dr. Shilla Maria.